Sunny Blue Wind Brings Stillness

It’s a gray, rainy Caribbean morning turned blindingly bright blue just in time to be stuck inside for Alexa’s nap.  Harmonizing with the weather this morning, my ♥ feels funny and still does, although not as intensely.  The sunny blue wind albeit through the windows brings some stillness.  Although intensely grateful for the balance of work and play gifted to us in the Caribbean, I’ve been digging for a deeper spiritual connection inspired by my frantic search for alternative healing methods in an attempt to avoid surgery on my sweet, gentle, compassionate daughter next month.  Yoga, meditation, detox, sobriety and listening to a myriad of intense audio books on my iPhone are all part of this quest.  Is this the ironic culprit of my uneasiness?  I think the last Carolin Myss live seminar injected into my head straight from deep within the rain forest coupled with this horrible murder in our neighborhood, plucked my last foundation violin string.  Lately, I’ve felt grounded, strong, with purpose and now, after a month of meditation, yoga and asking for “God’s” guidance, I’m suddenly shaken.  Trusting in the divine power, I can only conclude this uncomfortable place is necessary for more growth… or is this fear brought on by this murder an unhealthy reaction in desperate need of release?  This Yacht Chef was picked up in our neighborhood by a gypsy cab, tortured and left to die on Mullet Bay Beach.  He was stabbed repeatedly, nipples cut off, eyes gouged out and when the police found him, he couldn’t even give a statement.  He died 10 hours later.  I’m in tears just typing this.  Suddenly I feel unsafe on this island and unsafe in this apartment.  I am trying not to judge this feeling, tagging it with meaningless labels of good or bad, but honestly, I want to crawl out of my skin and scream.  I have a strong urge to take Alexa and George off this island and go back to Florida.  George just walked in the door… I would go for a release run while Alexa naps, but I’m afraid to go alone.  Should I do yoga, swim, meditate, mop these messy floors so our feet bottoms stop collecting layers of sand, clean the guest bedroom since Scott (our co-worker) just left, do laundry, dishes, work on graphics work, update “yachtie moms pages”, finish taking my online web programming class, download my photos from the cameras and upload them to this blog and facebook, anything to find some release?!?!?  I think I’ll go outside in the sunny blue wind in our gated community… with a knife in my right skirt pocket for protection.