Imagining Alexa Strong, Healthy, Happy and Glowing

So what’s been going on this last week with the Whitehouse family?  Well, a whole lot of mixed emotions.  I went scuba diving with a friend in Saba.  It was magnificent, but the buzz was quickly killed when we found out Alexa has another kidney infection.  I will spare you the details leading up to this dreadful discovery.  Again, it’s heartbreaking and my poor baby, again, had to suffer longer than she should have.  What’s worse is we are still in St. Maarten, thousands of miles away from her Pediatric Urologists and trusting children’s hospital.  Normally when she acquires kidney infections in the past, she is put on 24-48 hours of IV antibiotics.  Not in St. Maarten and not that I would trust anyone in St. Maarten to stick her tiny veins with an IV anyway especially not with her severe allergy to Rocephin.  Thankfully we are scheduled to fly back to Miami in just three more days, Monday morning March 14.  She is about to begin day three of a strong antibiotic, one they rarely give kids in the states under 12 years old because of it’s dangerous side effects.  She is having some digestive difficulty with it, but so far it’s not too, too bad.  She still seems to be running a slight fever and is still obviously not feeling well so I am really worried.  Actually worried is an understatement… I am utterly beside myself.  I’m praying every chance I get and doing everything in my power to eliminate these horrible thoughts that sneak into my mind every so often each day and night.  I can’t bear to say them out loud or type them.  Instead I am focusing on imagining Alexa strong, healthy, happy and glowing.  When one of those awful thoughts enters my mind I force it out and replace it with envisions of us laughing and dancing around on our catamaran somewhere exotic. (We don’t have a catamaran yet, but we plan to at some point in the future).

This infection is the final straw with her specialists back in Miami.  She is officially schedule for surgery to correct the grade 4 VUR on April 19^th, 4 days after she turns 2 years old and 1 day before our 3^rd wedding anniversary.  I can barely swallow.  I’m trying to remain strong, especially in front of her.  The surgery is a 3-week expected recovery and a slice across her whole lower abdomen.  The worst part of this whole thing is that we can’t explain it to her.  She is going to wonder why we are putting her through this pain, this torture.  My heart is breaking!  I can barely swallow!  I have to be strong for her and I’m crumbling!

This particular surgery has a 99% effective rate.  They will be replacing both valves, both sides.  After her recovery, she will not have to take the toxic daily prophylactic antibiotics any longer (that apparently aren’t even working anyway).  We will not have to rush her to the emergency room to get painfully catheterized every time she has a fever.  We won’t have to put her through those dreadful yearly molesetic VCURG tests.  We will no longer be chasing her around with a plastic cup and her diaper off desperately trying to collect a pee sample every time she seems a little sick.  We will not have to push liquids down her throat like we do now.  She will be healed, healthy.  She is a strong little cookie already and this will make her even stronger.  I’d like to say I am confident she will come out of this just fine, but I’m scared shitless of...  Ok, changing gears… replacing those horrible thoughts with positive ones.  I AM CONFIDENT SHE WILL COME OUT OF THIS SURGERY JUST FINE AND MAKE A MIRACULOUS RECOVERY!  GOD, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ALEXA’S BODY TO HEAL AND PLEASE, PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH.