We have so much to be thankful for. All of us.

It’s Sunday night.  Alexa is fast asleep after a day filled with swimming, football, outdoor adventures, books, and sticker fun.  I’m supposed to be working right now.  Ha!  Instead I am drinking a rather large glass of red wine, writing in my blog, trying to drown out my sorrows since George left the country this morning, yet again.  In typical Alyssa fashion, I let my stress and sadness get the best of me and become the culprit of bowing out on one of my most amazing girl friends night as we were supposed to attend the odd Roger Waters Pink Floyd the Wall Concert together.  She still went with another friend.  Glad she still enjoyed it, shame I missed it.  Funny enough, although it may look like quite the opposite at the moment, I’m actually looking forward to some time to myself this week.  I think I just needed today to be down.  Isn’t it okay to be down sometimes?  Contrary to most of my blog entries (I use my blog as an outlet), I tend to always try to keep busy or stay upbeat every day for me, for Alexa, for everyone, but maybe I deserve a day here and there to be sad.  Maybe I can even eat something bad when I’m sad like some salt and vinegar chips or something.  In the movies they eat ice cream.  As ironically as it sounds after mentioning my bowl of a glass of red wine and my random organic salt and vinegar chip fix, I am looking forward to a nice long week of veggie juice detox and full-on athletic training.  Oh and of course, as you know, coupled with loads of work, classes, bills, house work, and all the other day-to-day life shit we Americans attempt to cram into our lives.  If you know me at all and my packed ass schedule, you will be shocked to know I’ve been considering trying to squeeze in swimming lessons for Alexa (again), guitar lessons and French lessons for me, and even kite boarding lessons (something I’ve wanted to do since I was 25 years old).  My mother when she was visiting a few weeks ago said to me quite a few times how I need to stop always being in such a rush.  My life is always in such a rush, rushing to my next thing I’ve crammed into mine (and Alexa’s) busy ass day.  But that’s just it, besides a few things out of our control; this is mostly self inflicted stress.  I mean, it is so important to recognize how lucky we are to have our health, our youth (yes, that’s a state of mind), our family, and our friends.  I am grateful to have food on our plate and grateful for our jobs and our home.  There’s so much love surrounding our family (although our family is wide spread across the hemisphere at the moment) it would be selfish and disgraceful to constantly focus in on any of our petty superficial bullshit.  I know it is okay for me to deeply miss my husband in Amsterdam; my brother, niece, and nephew in Texas; my parents in Texas; my mother-in-law in New York; my beautiful daughters-in-law in London; my smart and talented son-in-law in Boston; and all my friends and family scattered about the world… but, thankfully, we are all connected through the amazing energy of love.  What if we were living in Haiti or New Orleans or Thailand when natural disasters hit and we lost each other and all that we knew of life?  What if we were “lower on the chain of life” as animals whose children are ripped away from them or homes are destroyed or lives are slaughtered for reasons of human entertainment or “gain” or land “development”?  What if.  We have so much to be thankful for.  All of us.

The Good, the Bad, and the Blessed

Good news, Alexa’s one side healed on its own.  Bad news, the other side has not improved at all and is still a severe grade 4 VUR.  Good news, doc is giving her 6 more months on daily antibiotics in the hopes something will change for the better.  Bad news, if there is still no change in 6 more months time, Alexa will need surgery.  Surgery at 24 months old.  I can’t bare to think about it.

Good news... most of our family and friends are healthy and we are blessed to be surrounded by so much love.

Butterfly Pumpkins

Imagine be forced to pin down your fully conscious, screaming and crying, 18 month old child motionless while a nurse shoves a long plastic tube up her urethra, fills her bladder with dyed liquid numerous times, and X-rays her for what seems like an eternity.  Actually, don’t try to imagine this scenario.  It is much to painful to even think about.  Absolute heartbreaking torture for our little one as well as for us, the parents forced to contribute to the suffering.  At one point, I couldn’t help but to yell at the radiologist “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER?!?! SHE’S IN PAIN!!” and “CAN’T YOU JUST HURRY UP?!?!?”  Probably not good Alexa heard me freak out on the Doctor, but the whole experience was extremely upsetting for all involved.  Unfortunately, this is not the first time we’ve had to endure this pain and probably not the last.  According to the radiologist, her VUR condition is still very severe on her left side and although less severe on the right, the condition still exists on that side as well.  We will see her specialist next week to go over the results, but it’s not looking promising.

For the next few hours Alexa sporadically yelled out in pain, knees collapsing to the ground, every time she had to pee.  Although the catheter was removed, she was obviously still in massive amounts of pain as she clingged to me, digging her fingernails into my shoulders, trying to bear the agony.  It took everything for me to fight off tears and remain strong for her.

As the day went on, she began to feel better, thank God.  Later in the afternoon she felt well enough to help me carve a pumpkin.  Yes, I know we are a bit late for Halloween, but being in the yachting industry, Halloween time of the year is so hectic, we were lucky to even make it to one house trick-or-treating on the 31st.  Being that it is 5 days after Halloween, I lucked out on a delicious deal on a fantastically plump pumpkin from the farmers market.  The weather is amazing right now (high of 72 degrees and sunny), so we sat on the back terrace and carved a butterfly into the pumpkin.  And we scooped out all the seeds to make a fresh, baked pumpkin seed snack.

It’s another gorgeous, crisp, clear autumn day today in South Florida and we plan to make the most of it outdoors.  The goal is to live in the moment, show Alexa the time of her life, and not to think about the possibility of Alexa facing surgery in the near future to correct her VUR condition.  We are praying the specialist will deliver a more promising diagnosis when we see him next week.

Rainbows & Sunshine

After weeks of stress and chaos, I’m happy to post a blog full of rainbows and sunshine.  The 2010 FLIBS is officially over and was a success.  Rybovich Superyacht Marina and Shipyard, where my hubby and I both work, is beautifully busy all because my husband is THE MAN.  Caitlin is out of the hospital and feeling much better.  Most of her suspected ailments listed in my previous blogs were proven false, thank God, so now after one last healthy dose of IV antibiotics, she is happy and healthy and able to enjoy London once again and even a last trip to Amsterdam.  My mother has finally fully recovered as well.  Alexa loves school, is the star in her music class, and really loves this autumn pumpkin thing.  Autumn just happens to be my favorite season as well.  Although Halloween was rained out, Alexa was the most precious pink Pirate and got to trick or treat at one kick ass spooky house before it rained on our parade.  Alexa is full of “I love yous”, kisses, and hugs lately.  She’s so adorable!  It’s so nice to be able to spend time with my baby again.  She gets to enjoy her Daddy for another 9 days before he heads off to Amsterdam too.  Me… I’m gearing up to run another half marathon race with a yachtie mommy friend as well as enjoying a more manageable Graphic Design work load.  I started classes again last week.  They are difficult so far, but it will be so worth it to finally have an MBA this December.  Other than a few current unmentioned trails and tribulations, the Whitehouse family is full of rainbows and sunshine.

Alexa's Class Room - Halloween Dress Up day.  Alexa was a Dolphin's Cheerleader.

After weeks of being separated, Daddy surprised Alexa by Showing up for her School Costume Parade

Precious Pink Pirate heading out to trick-or-treat

Trick-or-treating at Kalea's house October 31.



Mystery Diagnosis & Florida Fall Season Yachtie Hell

George is now in London to be with Michelle and Caitlin during Caitlin’s mysterious medical complications.  Caitlin is in the hospital in London… again.  She has mono with an enlarged spleen, a throat infection, something going on with her kidneys and bladder, and a possible cracked rib.  We’ve decided she should be on the show “Mystery Diagnosis”.  I’m dying that I can’t be with her, but thankfully her father is with her and Michelle now.  Ironically, this time last year, Alexa was hospitalized with a severe kidney infection and after numerous painful and invasive tests, was diagnosed with grade 4 VUR.  I suspect Caitlin has this condition as well, but it was never diagnosed.  The treatment is usually surgery.  She sees a Urologist Monday.

To add to all this worry, a certain someone is putting extremely unrealistic and impossible demands on us financially and refusing to discuss it which is causing suffocating amounts of stress.  I don’t want to get into it in a blog, but I couldn’t help but to mention it since it has been like a disease enslaving most our thoughts and the culprit of many sleepless nights for a long time now.

With half our minds injected into our personal stresses, George and I have been so swamped with work.  George has been nonstop working in Spain and I have been nonstop working in Florida.  In between my chaos emergency graphic design projects, I worked the Rybovich crew party on Friday, the National Marine Poker Run Saturday, the SeaKeepers Party Saturday night, the Yacht Chandlers Party Saturday night after the SeaKeepers party, and the Dolphins game today.  I miss my little girl.  Thankfully I was able to take her to the game with me today, but tomorrow starts another day of chaotic fiasco Florida fall season yachtie hell and I have an Accounting Class starting tomorrow night as well.  Sadly, as I look ahead to my week, Tuesday night might be the ONLY night I will be able to tuck my little girl in bed until next Monday.  I’m heartbroken about this.  To make matters worse, we will be on week 2 of her not seeing her Daddy at all.  I miss my baby… both of them!

Two Saturday's ago Beach Morning while Daddy had to work

Visit in Texas with Cousin Ava (right) and friend Emily (center)

A goofy close-up in the Executive Box Seats at today's Dolphins/Steelers Game

Cheering on the Dolphins!

Spread Thin and Burning the Candle at Both Ends

I can barely breathe from stress and I my neck is so kinked up I can’t move my head without sending shooting pains up my neck and down my shoulder blades.  What’s causing this? A whole lot.  My poor mother and Caitlin are both very ill and I am worried sick about them.  Caitlin has mono, again, and her spleen is leaving her in pain and weak.  I feel horrible for her.  My mother is ill from a fevery sinus infection and some weird eye infection that looks really scary and feels just as bad as it looks.  And since Alexa and I have been around my mom, I’m worried about Alexa too.  I’m in Texas for a few days trying to visit with my family and friends before the boat show chaos starts, but obviously picked a very bad time to try to squeeze in a family visit.  How awful is that to even write?  “Squeeze in a family visit”… into my busy life… how horrible.  Family is everything!  So why can’t I tell my other obligations to fuck off?!?!  Or at least tell them to lay off a little bit so I can visit with my family every so often.  In between hours here and there visiting with family on this quick 3 day trip, I’ve been working like a mad woman on all these emergency graphic design projects for work.  I’ve been so busy trying to balance my poor sick mom, family visits, and work, I haven’t been able to visit with any friends.  Spread thin and burning the candle at both ends, I feel like I can’t give any part of my life my all.  Alexa and I fly back to Florida Thursday morning and I dive head first into the chaotic fiasco of Florida fall season yachtie hell.  Oh, and I start classes again on Monday.  I’m not sure how I’m going to possibly do it all.

Speaking of being separated from family… George is in Spain until next Tuesday.  Check out the picture he emailed me of the view from his hotel room.  “MUST BE NICE, GEORGE!  THANKS A LOT FOR THE NICE PHOTO OF YOUR PARADISE!”  All sarcasm aside, George works his butt off, never taking a day off, and deserves to have a party filled golfing work trip in gorgeous Palma, Spain for a week… I just wish Alexa and I could join him.  Instead, I’m going insane with trying to balance waaaaaay too much!  Too much work and not enough time in the day (or night).  Too many bills and not enough money.  Single yachtie mom-ism, but not being able to devote the time to Alexa that she deserves. Too much gross food and not enough exercise.  Too many ill loved ones and not enough time to be with them.  I’m drowning.

Now, let’s turn this around and upside down… life is peaceful.  Everyone is healthy.  Money is flowing freely and easily.  All bills are paid and debt is erasing.  Life is peaceful.  Alexa is happy.  Our family is together and our love for each other flows freely.  Fresh fruits and veggies are abundant and exercise is plentiful.  Life is peaceful.

Amazing sunset at our home a few days before our departure

First Day of School

Yesterday was Alexa’s first day of school for three whole hours without mom, (really two hours since I stayed with her for the first hour), and she despised it, or so she lead me to believe so.  “What’s up with this sitting down while I drink my juice crap” she said to me with her teary eyes and quivering lip.  “And where are you going Mama?!? Don’t leave me in this ‘dreadfully’ bright and cheery place with three other happy kids my age and loads of new toys to play with!”  Her “Day in Review” says “the most exciting part of my day was using glitter to decorate autumn leaves, music class, and the playground.  I loved the slide, five little ducks song, and building with soft blocks”.  The theme this week is learning all about autumn.  There’s a different theme each week for the kids to learn about.  When I picked her up, the Director was reading her a book and told me how Alexa loved playing instruments in music class but refused to wear her pirate hat.  With teary eyes, Alexa punished me by ignoring me for about 5 minutes when she saw me and her little lip quivered for the first half of the car ride home.  She doesn’t understand why I did this to her.   It was heartbreaking.  Despite her glowing “Day in Review” obviously she had a rough few hours and shed many tears.  A big part of me feels awful, like I’m breaking her spirit or abandoning her by bringing her to this school.  However, although Alexa doesn’t agree, I am confident this is a choice school.  Each day she will not only develop social skills being around other children her age, but this school also teaches language (English & Spanish), sensory/science, math, creative expression, and fine/gross motor skills.  Depending on the day, in between playground time, snacks, naps, and lunch, the kids her age attend media class, gym class, music class, center time, group circle, and art class.  Her 18 month old doctor’s check up (3 days early and accompanied by painful shots in her yummy thighs) prevents her from attending school today.  I’m sure after this morning’s doc appointment Alexa will think I am on a mission to torture her.  Beginning October 26, she will begin school three full days a week.  For now, it is little bits of school here and there so she can become familiar with everyone and everything.  Although I love my job, I can’t help but feel a little resentful about being forced to work so much.  I miss my baby already.